Sometimes I Just Want My Brain To Be Quiet For Five Minutes

Hey… it’s Anna.

I know I’ve been a little quiet lately.

But honestly?

Life has been life-ing aggressively

Work has been BUSY.

Like extra busy.

I think they’re preparing for some kind of function or maybe graduation because suddenly everything needs to sparkle and shine at the exact same time.

And of course who gets to help make that happen?

Me and my tired little joints.

 

The extra work has been a lot

There’s been so much extra cleaning and prep work lately that by the time my shifts are over…

I feel completely drained.

Not regular tired.

I mean:

• mentally exhausted
• physically exhausted
• spiritually negotiating with my bed exhausted

And on top of all that?

I recently started my cycle a couple days ago.

Which means:

• extra fatigue
• extra irritation
• extra emotional sensitivity
• and my body acting like it personally hates me again

Love that for me.

 

My body and mind are both tired lately

And honestly I think that’s the hardest combination.

When your body hurts AND your mind won’t slow down.

Because even when I sit down to rest…

My thoughts are still running laps around my brain.

Thinking about:

• work
• money
• my parents
• surgery
• my future
• life changes
• literally everything all at once

My brain needs a nap honestly.

 

But I am working toward something

And this part gives me hope.

I’m currently working on something that if it works out…

Could genuinely change my life.

Not overnight of course.

I’m not expecting magical movie montage success

But it could open doors for:

• more job opportunities
• less physically demanding work
• more choices
• more flexibility with where I live and work

And honestly?

That’s what I want most right now.

Options.

Because feeling stuck is exhausting.

 

I think people underestimate how draining survival mode is

When you spend years just trying to:

• survive
• pay bills
• help family
• push through pain
• stay emotionally functional

…it changes you.

You stop dreaming big sometimes.

You just focus on:

• “Okay… how do I get through this week?”

And honestly?

I’m tired of only surviving.

I want softness eventually.

Peace too.

 

I’ve also been feeling homesick again

Bad lately actually.

I miss Jamaica.

I miss:

• familiar voices
• familiar food
• familiar energy
• people actually greeting each other properly

There’s just something about home that settles your spirit.

And sometimes living far away from the people you love feels heavier than usual.

Especially when life already feels overwhelming.

 

Thankfully I’m off today and tomorrow

And honestly?

I NEED these days off.

Badly.

Because I’ve been feeling burned out.

So right now my plan is simple:

• rest
• relax
• try not to overthink every detail of my life

Will I succeed?

Probably not

But we’re trying.

 

Lately I’ve been thinking about being single too

And not even in a dramatic “woe is me” kind of way.

More in a:

• “It would be nice to have emotional support” kind of way.

Because life feels really heavy sometimes.

And I think people underestimate how comforting it is to just have:

• somebody to talk to
• somebody to laugh with
• somebody who helps lighten your mood after a hard day

 

I’m not even talking about the physical side of relationships

Honestly?

That’s not even where my mind goes first anymore.

I’m talking about:

• emotional comfort
• companionship
• somebody who understands your moods
• laughing at stupid things together

Little things.

Quiet things.

The kind of connection that makes life feel softer.

 

Because adulthood is already hard enough

And going through:

• chronic pain
• work stress
• financial pressure
• medical issues
• loneliness

…mostly alone?

Yeah.

Some days that hits me harder than others.

 

I think I just want to feel safe emotionally

That’s honestly the best way I can explain it.

Not perfect.

Not rescued.

Just emotionally safe.

Like someone saying:

• “You don’t have to carry everything by yourself all the time.”

Because whew…

That would be nice

 

But until then…

I’m trying to become that comfort for myself.

Slowly.

Learning how to:

• rest without guilt
• slow down mentally
• protect my peace
• and stop carrying tomorrow’s problems before tomorrow even arrives

Still working on that last one honestly.

 

My brain really does run nonstop

One minute I’m relaxing.

The next minute I’m thinking:

• “What if I never escape survival mode?”
• “What if surgery recovery takes too long?”
• “What if I never find my person?”

Meanwhile I’m literally supposed to be resting

 

But I still have hope

Even with all the exhaustion.

Even with all the uncertainty.

I still believe:

• life can improve
• healing can happen
• better days exist

And honestly?

That little bit of hope is carrying me more than anything right now.

 

From somebody trying to quiet her mind

So right now I’m just trying to:

• rest my body
• calm my thoughts
• enjoy my days off
• and stop mentally speed-running every possible future scenario

One thing at a time.

One breath at a time.

One day at a time.

 

I really hope you guys have been having a good week.

And I hope you have something nice planned for the weekend too.

Even if it’s just rest.

Because honestly?

Rest counts.

 

Alright lovelies…

I’m off to go binge watch something (Pop Culture Jeopardy)…my new discovery and pretend my responsibilities don’t exist for a few hours

 

Catch up with you later 💋