Lately I’ve Just Been Going Through The Motions

Hey… it’s Anna.

And honestly?

I’ve been feeling down lately.

Not dramatic.

Not falling apart loudly.

Just quietly tired.

Quietly overwhelmed.

Quietly trying to make it through each day without mentally collapsing in the middle of a work shift

 

I think I’ve been in survival mode for too long

That’s honestly what it feels like.

Like I wake up every day and just automatically go:

• “Okay… let’s survive this one too.”

And somewhere along the way…

I stopped thinking about myself.

 

Because people depend on me

And when people depend on you?

You kind of train yourself to keep going no matter what.

Even when:

• your body hurts
• your mind is exhausted
• your spirit feels tired
• something is always wrong physically

You still show up.

You still work.

You still push through.

And honestly?

I don’t even think about my own wellbeing half the time anymore.

 

Pain has become so normal to me

Which sounds sad now that I’m typing it out.

But it’s true.

Something hurts literally all the time.

My knees.

My back.

My shoulders.

My hands.

My abdomen lately.

At this point my body operates like a complaint department

And somehow I still clock in and go to work.

 

Monday was especially hard

Because I worked alone.

Which already tells you how the day was about to go.

And of course the place was unusually dirty.

Especially the kitchen area.

Why are grown adults so committed to pretending they don’t see mess???

The stove looked like somebody fought for their life making pasta.

There were:

• spills
• crumbs
• sticky counters
• giant garbage bags

And those garbage bags?

HEAVY.

Like suspiciously heavy.

What are people throwing away???

Small appliances???

Furniture???

Emotional baggage???

Because whew 😭

 

My body definitely felt it afterward

By the end of the shift:

• my knees were burning
• my back was tight
• my shoulders were angry

And honestly?

I was mentally over it too.

 

Financial stress is still sitting heavy on my mind

Even when I try not to think about it.

I keep telling myself:

• “One day at a time Anna.”

But anxiety doesn’t always listen.

Especially when:

• bills are due
• responsibilities exist
• and your paycheck decides to arrive whenever it feels spiritually ready

 

The late paycheck situation is NOT helping

At all.

Because due dates are approaching.

Panic is quietly creeping in.

And there’s nothing worse than feeling like your money is playing hide and seek while your responsibilities stand there tapping their feet waiting.

 

I try not to spiral but…

Sometimes my brain starts calculating everything at once.

Bills.

Upcoming payments.

Medical stuff.

Helping my parents.

Work.

Future plans.

And honestly?

It’s exhausting carrying all those thoughts around constantly.

 

😔 Then there’s the gas and bloating situation

Which is STILL happening by the way.

And now I’m starting to wonder if it’s connected to my new blood pressure medication.

Because the timing feels suspicious.

One minute I’m trying to survive chronic pain, anemia and iron deficiency.

Now my stomach has joined the protest too 😭

 

Thankfully my heating pad is still saving lives

Honestly?

That heating pad deserves health insurance and employee benefits at this point.

Because putting it on my stomach and abdomen really does help.

The warmth calms things down.

And for a little while my body stops acting like it’s trying to sabotage me.

 

Thankfully today was a little easier

Work today wasn’t bad.

Mainly because:

• the work was evenly divided
• I didn’t work alone
• the study spaces are pretty clean right now

Since school isn’t fully in session, those areas are less traveled.

Which means:

• less sweeping
• less mopping
• less silent resentment toward random strawberries on the floor

And honestly?

I appreciated the calmer shift.

My body needed it.

 

Tomorrow is my first IV iron treatment

And honestly?

I’m a little nervous.

Not terrified.

Just anxious in the way you get when your body has already been through a lot lately.

But I know I need it.

Because the iron tablets are clearly not doing enough.

And honestly?

The exhaustion has been unreal lately.

Like tired down to my bones.

 

I just want relief honestly

From:

• the bleeding
• the exhaustion
• the financial stress
• the constant physical discomfort
• all of it

I think my body and mind both desperately need peace.

 

But I’m trying to stay hopeful

Even when I feel discouraged.

Even when life feels heavy.

Even when my brain starts preparing worst-case scenarios for fun

I’m trying to believe:

• things can improve
• my health can improve
• my situation can improve

Because honestly?

I need something softer than survival mode eventually.

 

I think a lot of us are just quietly carrying too much

That’s what I’ve realized lately.

So many people are:

• exhausted
• stressed
• overwhelmed
• financially stretched
• emotionally tired

…and still functioning somehow.

Still showing up.

Still trying.

Even while breaking a little quietly inside.

 

From someone trying to keep going

So lately I’ve just been going through the motions.

Working because I have to.

Pushing because people depend on me.

Trying not to completely drown in stress and exhaustion.

But I’m still here.

Still trying.

Still hopeful somewhere deep underneath all the tiredness.

And honestly?

That has to count for something.

 

I hope this week has been kind to you guys.

And if it hasn’t?

I hope the rest of the week feels softer.

Gentler.

Lighter.

 

Alright lovelies…

Tomorrow is IV iron day 😭

So I’ll definitely let you guys know how that experience goes.

Until next time 💋