Hey… it’s Anna.
So today was another day off.
Well technically I was off yesterday too.
And honestly?
I don’t know where the time went.
Why do days off move at the speed of light but work days feel like they personally stop to rest halfway through?
I blinked and suddenly it’s:
- “Okay girl… back to 3am tomorrow.”
Rude.
Today was doctor day
I had my follow-up appointment with my primary care provider today.
And surprisingly?
It was actually productive.
We talked about a few things.
Mainly:
- my osteoarthritis
- pain management
- weight
- my body basically acting like it’s tired of participating in adulthood
The medication conversation
So we discussed possibly trying a different medication for my osteoarthritis.
But apparently the one I’m currently on is basically the best option right now.
Which honestly feels a little disrespectful because my joints are still out here behaving terribly
But okay.
Then came the x-ray adventure
She sent me for x-rays afterward.
Which honestly feels like my life lately:
- appointments
- imaging
- scans
- more appointments
At this point my medical records probably have their own personality.
Physical therapy might happen
She also mentioned physical therapy.
Which I’m open to.
Honestly at this point if somebody told me standing under a full moon holding garlic bread would help my joints I might at least consider it.
Because I’m tired.
Then we had “the weight conversation”
And listen…
I already know I’m overweight.
My knees remind me daily.
The mirror reminds me occasionally.
My scrubs remind me aggressively.
So yes, I know losing weight would probably help my joints.
And I’m open to it.
That’s not the issue.
My real issue? Food noise
And whew…
If you know, you KNOW.
Because dieting itself?
I can do that.
I don’t mind eating healthier.
But the food noise?
That’s the real battle.
My brain constantly wants sweets
Like CONSTANTLY.
It gets to the point where I can’t stop thinking about sweet things.
Cake.
Chocolate.
Cookies.
Caramel anything.
And the worst part?
The cravings become loud.
Like my brain suddenly becomes a toddler throwing a tantrum in a grocery store aisle.
And honestly? I love food
There. I said it.
Food brings comfort.
Especially when:
- your body hurts
- your mind is tired
- life feels stressful
And yes… I know emotional support garlic bread is probably not medically recommended but here we are.
She suggested the Mediterranean diet
Which honestly sounds healthier and more sophisticated than my current survival meals.
And I’m open to trying it.
Because at this point I genuinely want to feel better.
Not just lose weight.
I want:
- less inflammation
- less pain
- more energy
- knees that stop threatening me every morning
That’s the dream.
The bleeding situation is also catching up with me
And unfortunately…
The excessive bleeding has officially caused iron deficiency anemia.
Which honestly explains why I’ve been feeling:
- exhausted
- weak
- drained
- like getting out of bed deserves an Olympic medal lately
The oral iron tablets apparently are not doing enough to correct the situation.
So now?
I’ll need IV iron treatments once a week for the next four weeks.
Which sounds very dramatic and inconvenient honestly.
But it’s important
Because if my blood count stays where it currently is…
I won’t be able to have surgery.
And THAT is what scares me.
Because no surgery means:
- no relief
- more bleeding
- more exhaustion
- more feeling trapped in this cycle
And honestly?
I cannot mentally handle the thought of continuing like this long term.
I need things to move forward.
I need my body to cooperate for once.
I’m really looking forward to finally moving things along medically
I need this MRI done.
I need the pre-op appointment done.
I need all the medical moving pieces to finally start MOVING.
Because I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel now.
And honestly?
That little bit of hope is carrying me lately.
I’m tired of planning my life around my period
That’s really what it comes down to.
I’m tired of:
- planning around bleeding
- calculating bathroom access
- worrying about accidents
- scheduling life around pain and exhaustion
I just want freedom.
Normalcy.
Peace.
Especially because life might be changing soon
There’s a possibility I may need to change job locations soon.
So I really need to get everything sorted medically while I’m still where I currently am because it’s just easier right now.
And honestly?
The timing matters.
Then there’s the money part of life
Because life loves multitasking stress.
I’ve been offered some extra work over the coming weeks.
Which means:
- extra money
- but also extra pain probably
And honestly?
My body already filed complaints before I even accepted.
But unfortunately… I need the money
I have a payment I’ll need to make for the next 12 months.
So any extra cash right now matters.
A LOT.
And that’s adulthood isn’t it?
Sometimes your body says:
- “Please rest.”
And your bills say:
- “That’s adorable.”
I’m trying to find balance
That’s really where I’m at lately.
Trying to figure out:
- how to survive financially
- without completely destroying my body physically
Which honestly feels like trying to solve a puzzle while exhausted.
But overall… I’m hopeful
Tired.
But hopeful.
And I think that matters.
Because a few months ago I honestly felt stuck in every area of my life.
Now?
Things still aren’t easy.
But at least they’re moving.
Slowly.
From someone mentally preparing for 3am
So now it’s back to work tomorrow morning.
3am.
Again.
I swear my alarm clock and I are enemies at this point.
But hopefully tomorrow is manageable.
Easy enough.
Quiet enough.
And maybe my joints will act like civilized citizens for once.
Probably not.
But a girl can dream
I hope you guys have the best weekend.
Please:
- be careful
- be safe
- trust your instincts
And honestly?
Do not be afraid to be rude if it means protecting yourself.
Your safety matters more than somebody else’s comfort.
Always.
Alright lovelies…
Time for me to mentally prepare for another early morning and pretend I’m excited about adulthood.
Until next time 💋
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