Hey… it’s Anna.
This post is completely off topic.
No joint pain.
No work stories.
No complaints about giant trash bags trying to end my existence.
Well… not today anyway
This has just been sitting heavy on my chest all morning and I need to let it out somewhere before my anxiety decides to fully unpack and redecorate my brain.
Home
My parents are back home in Jamaica.
The house we live in has been our home since 1996.
It started out as what we call back home a quad. Basically a little studio setup.
And over time my parents slowly built onto it.
They added:
- two bedrooms
- a bathroom
- extended the kitchen
- added a wash area
- built storage space
Nothing fancy.
Just honest hard work over time.
My parents came from humble beginnings
We were never rich.
But I also wouldn’t say we were poor.
We always had just enough.
And honestly?
Sometimes “just enough” took a lot of sacrifice behind the scenes.
The roof situation
The house is old now.
And for the last few years when it rains?
It rains inside too.
That’s not even me exaggerating.
At this point the roof basically believes it’s optional.
And my parents are getting older
My mom hasn’t been in the best health since she had a really bad fall about three years ago.
My dad spent 40 years in the police force.
Forty.
Imagine giving that much of your life to work.
Now he’s retired and living on pension.
And honestly?
The pension isn’t enough.
Not with:
- rising costs
- medical bills
- everyday living expenses
Especially because my mom was a homemaker, so my dad was always the main provider.
So naturally… I help
Because what else am I supposed to do?
Those are my parents.
And if there’s one thing about me?
I’m going to try.
Even when I probably shouldn’t stretch myself further.
I’m still going to try.
So we started roof repairs
And listen…
Roofs are expensive.
Like offensively expensive.
The materials alone came up to about:
- $3,000 USD
And labor?
Another:
- $2,000 USD
And that’s before life randomly decides you forgot something.
Which apparently… we did.
Sunday’s phone call
So Sunday my parents called and said they needed more materials.
And immediately my stomach dropped.
Because it’s not my pay week.
Meaning:
- bad timing
- terrible timing actually
But they needed the materials quickly because rainy weather is coming and the workers are trying to finish before that happens.
So now I’m stressed because what choice do I have?
The credit card situation
Usually I send money using my debit card.
I use a service called Boss Money because when the money converts, they actually get more Jamaican dollars.
And every little bit matters.
So I tried sending:
- $100,000 Jamaican dollars (JMD)
Which is around:
- $665 USD
And this is where the chaos started
Mind you… I’ve used this card before.
No issues.
So suddenly they tell me I need to verify the transaction.
Now listen…
People scam for a living nowadays.
So before I gave anybody information I called customer service myself because I’m paranoid and protective over my little coins…I barely have 😄
Turns out yes, they needed verification.
Fine.
Verified everything.
Only for the system to then say:
- “Actually… this card can’t be used for this transaction.”
… 🤔
Excuse me?
After all that?
So now I’m irritated
Because not only did the transaction fail…
Boss Money put a hold on my card.
Meaning now I can’t even use the card elsewhere.
Fantastic.
Love that for me.
So now I have to use another card
Which I did not want to do.
But I had no choice because my parents needed the materials.
So I used another money transfer service.
And immediately I noticed:
- the fees have become ridiculous
Boss Money used to charge:
- $6.99 for credit card transactions
Now?
- It’s $14.99
The other service charged:
- $22.39
And I was already annoyed at THAT.
But wait… there’s more
Because apparently using a credit card to send money NOW counts as a cash advance.
Which I did not know.
So my bank happily added:
- a $35 cash advance fee
Because why not?
At that point I just sat there staring at my phone like:
- “Oh this is sick.”
So basically…
I almost spent:
- $60 in fees
just to send money home.
And trust me… when you are already financially stretched?
That hurts.
The part weighing heavy on me
That grocery credit card?
That was supposed to just help with groceries and little emergencies.
Last resort type situations.
Now I looked at the balance and saw:
- $900+ owed…other charges were on the card BTW
And honestly?
That thing has been sitting HEAVY on my chest ever since.
Because my next paycheck already feels gone.
And I haven’t even received it yet.
Anxiety has been loud today
Like really loud.
And I know somebody reading this understands exactly what I mean.
That feeling where:
- your mind keeps calculating
- your chest feels tight
- you keep replaying numbers in your head
And you’re trying not to panic because panicking doesn’t solve anything.
But I learned something
Never again with the credit card for money transfers.
Lesson learned.
From now on I need to keep some cash aside specifically for emergencies so I can use my debit card instead.
Because with debit?
- the fee is literally $1.99
Which feels a lot less disrespectful.
From someone carrying a lot quietly
I know everybody is struggling right now in different ways.
And I’m not sharing this for pity.
I just needed to unburden my heart a little.
Because sometimes being:
- the helper
- the responsible one
- the dependable one
…is exhausting.
And if you’re in this position too…
Helping family while trying to survive yourself…
I see you.
I really do.
Because trust me…
My anxiety has been through the roof all day.
But somehow we keep going anyway.
Because that’s what people who love hard do.
Alright lovelies…
I’m going to try and quiet my mind for the rest of the day.
I hope life has been kind to you today.
And if it hasn’t?
I hope tomorrow is softer.
Until next time 💋
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