Hey… it’s Anna.
Come sit with me for a minute.
Because I’ve got an update. And… yeah. It’s a lot.
A little backstory (so this makes sense)
I got the IUD because my periods were out of control.
Not “a little heavy.”
I’m talking:
- long
- extremely heavy
- exhausting in every way
I had fibroids removed back in 2015.
Thought that chapter was closed.
Apparently… it was just on pause.
Because they’re back.
And with them?
All the same problems.
Today’s appointment
So I went to the gynecologist today.
And the suggestion?
Another myomectomy.
And I just sat there like:
“I can’t do that again.”
I’ve already been through it once.
Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.
I don’t have it in me to repeat that process.
The decision
So… I made a decision.
I’m going to do a hysterectomy.
And saying that out loud?
It hit me.
Not in a dramatic way.
Just… quietly.
The part that made me pause
My mom.
Because she really wants grandchildren.
And I know this wasn’t the path she imagined for me.
That part hurt.
I won’t lie.
But then I had to be honest with myself
I had to sit with the reality of my life.
And my body.
And how much this has been affecting me.
And I realized something:
- I don’t have to have a biological child to be a mom
That’s not the only way.
And more importantly…
- I need peace
Because this has been too much
I am tired.
Tired of feeling like my period is:
- a giant wrecking ball shackled to my ankle
That’s exactly what it feels like.
Heavy. Constant. Inescapable.
The everyday reality (that nobody talks about)
Working a physical job with this kind of flow?
It’s not just inconvenient.
It’s exhausting.
It’s:
- running back and forth to the bathroom
- wearing a “15-hour pad” that lasts… not even close to that
- adding an adult diaper just to feel a little safer
And still?
Stress.
Constant stress.
Nights were the worst
The first 3–4 nights of my cycle?
No real sleep.
Just waking up.
Checking.
Worrying.
Trying not to mess up the bed.
That kind of stress stays with you.
And yeah… the embarrassing part
I have a roommate.
This is a hotel-style living situation.
So when accidents happen?
I don’t just feel uncomfortable.
I feel embarrassed.
Like deeply embarrassed.
The kind where you just want to disappear for a minute.
And I just… couldn’t do it anymore
That’s the truth.
I reached a point where I said:
- “I can’t live like this.”
Not physically.
Not mentally.
Not emotionally.
What’s next
I have my pre-op appointment this Thursday, May 7.
We’re going to go over everything.
Options. Process. Next steps.
And I’ll keep you all updated.
And yeah… timing is interesting
I turn 40 on June 10.
So this?
This feels like a very… unexpected birthday situation.
Not exactly what I had in mind.
The part that hurts a little more
I wish my mom could be here for the surgery.
I really do.
But between her own health issues and finances…
It’s just not possible.
And that part?
That part sits heavy.
Today was a small break
I took the day off for my appointment.
So at least I got a break from the physical work.
Which my body definitely appreciated.
But reality is still reality
Because tomorrow?
I’m back at it.
3am.
Like nothing changed.
Like my body didn’t just make a major life decision.
From someone choosing peace
This wasn’t an easy decision.
Not even close.
But it feels like the right one.
Because at the end of the day…
I just want:
- peace
- rest
- a life that isn’t controlled by pain and bleeding
That’s it.
That’s the goal.
And if you’re reading this…
And you’re dealing with your own version of something hard…
I see you.
Because I know what it feels like to make a decision that’s heavy… but necessary.
Alright…
I’m going to try to get some rest before my 3am start.
Because life doesn’t pause.
But maybe… just maybe… things are about to change.
Until next time, lovelies…kisses
Leave a Reply