Hey… it’s Anna🖤.
So here I am.
Sitting peacefully.
Minding my business.
Scrolling through Netflix trying to find something to watch.
And somehow I ended up watching a dating show.
Which was clearly a mistake.
Because now I’m spiraling 😭
It started innocently enough
I came across a show called Age of Attraction.
And the whole idea behind it is getting to know someone without immediately focusing on their age.
Interesting concept.
I figured I would watch a couple episodes.
Relax.
Turn my brain off.
Maybe laugh at some awkward conversations.
Instead?
Now I’m questioning my entire dating history.
😭 Thanks Netflix
I was doing perfectly fine before this.
Well…
As fine as a chronically tired, slightly achy, overthinking introvert can be.
But now all these people are out here making connections.
Having chemistry.
Flirting.
Laughing together.
Looking at each other like they’re the only two people in the room.
And suddenly I’m sitting there wondering:
- Do I even know how to date anymore?
😅 Actually…
Did I ever know how to date?
That’s the real question.
Because the more I thought about it…
The more confused I became.
If somebody asked me out tomorrow what would I do?
Seriously.
What would I wear?
What would I talk about?
How do you sit across from another human being and not immediately want the ground to open up and swallow you whole?
Because that’s probably where I’d be emotionally.
Half excited.
Half terrified.
Fully awkward.
🖤 The thing is…
When you watch people connecting with each other…
You realize how much you miss that.
Or maybe in my case…
How much you wish you had it.
Because chemistry is beautiful.
Not the dramatic movie kind.
Just simple connection.
Feeling comfortable.
Feeling understood.
Laughing at stupid things together.
Looking forward to talking to someone.
Having someone who wants to hear about your day.
Even if your day mostly involved mops, garbage bags, and complaints about students leaving burners on.
⏰️ It’s been a long time
A really long time.
I honestly don’t even know where to begin anymore.
Part of the problem is that I’m incredibly introverted.
And I mean genuinely introverted.
Not the social media version where people say they’re introverts but somehow attend seventeen events every weekend.
No.
I like home.
Home is nice.
Home has snacks.
Home has blankets.
Home has true crime podcasts.
Home doesn’t require small talk.
😭 Which creates a problem
Because apparently meeting people requires leaving your house.
Who knew?
The problem is I’ve gotten stuck in a routine.
Work.
Home.
TV.
Podcast.
Sleep.
Repeat.
And somewhere in there I’m apparently supposed to magically meet the love of my life.
😅 The math isn’t mathing
Because if I’m being honest…
The only people I regularly interact with are:
- students
- coworkers
- delivery drivers
- doctors
And I’m pretty sure none of those groups are my future husband.
Although at this point if somebody carrying a package asked me about my favorite true crime documentary I’d probably be suspiciously interested 😭
I’ve never really had the experience most people talk about
You know the one.
The:
- “I saw you across the room and wanted to meet you.”
I’ve never had that.
Not once.
Nobody has ever walked up to me while I was out somewhere and started a conversation because they found me attractive.
At least not that I can remember.
Every relationship I’ve ever had started online.
Every single one.
🤔 And sometimes I wonder what that’s like
What’s it like to have someone notice you?
To pick you out of a crowd?
To think:
- “I want to talk to her.”
I genuinely don’t know.
And honestly?
Sometimes that makes me a little sad.
Not because I need constant attention.
Trust me.
That sounds exhausting.
But it would be nice to experience it at least once.
The show also got me thinking about age
Because I’ve dated younger guys.
I’ve dated guys around my age.
Neither situation exactly worked out.
So naturally my overthinking brain started wondering:
- What if I dated someone older?
Would it be different?
Would they be more settled?
More emotionally available?
More patient?
Or would they still leave dishes in the sink and forget important things?
Who knows 😭
The problem is…
I never meet older men.
Honestly I barely meet men at all.
Again.
Work.
Home.
Netflix.
Podcast.
Repeat.
The opportunities are not exactly endless.
Maybe I need to put myself out there more
I know.
I know.
Everybody says that.
But putting yourself out there sounds terrifying when you’re naturally quiet.
It feels like being told:
- “Just jump into the ocean.”
Meanwhile I’m standing on shore wondering if the fish are judgmental.
😭 So now here I am
Writing a blog post instead of sleeping.
Questioning my life choices because of a dating show.
Exactly where Netflix wanted me apparently.
And who knows…
Maybe my person is out there somewhere.
Maybe he’s also sitting at home overthinking.
Maybe he’s watching a dating show and questioning his life too.
Maybe he’s wondering where all the quiet women are.
Sir.
We’re at home.
We’ve been at home.
From Someone Who Is Clearly Overthinking Again
Do I know how to date?
No idea.
Would I be nervous?
Absolutely.
Would I probably talk too much once I got comfortable?
Also yes.
Do I still hope to find my person someday?
Very much yes.
Because as much as I enjoy my own company…
It would be nice to have someone to laugh with.
Someone to talk to.
Someone who understands that emotional support is sometimes more important than grand romantic gestures.
Someone who doesn’t mind that my knees crack louder than bubble wrap.
And someone who understands that if I disappear for a few hours, I’m probably just listening to a true crime podcast and avoiding people.
Anyway…
Thanks Netflix.
Now I’m questioning my entire existence 😭
Until next time, lovelies 🖤💋
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